I want more than anything to please Him and to love my family the way He created me and entrusted me to do so.
And I try...I really, really try,
and I believe that quite often, I am right on the mark,
but tonight, I'm realizing that I'm so far from where and who I thought I was.
Instead of love and acceptance, I've served criticism and rejection...
Instead of showing a heart full of unconditional love,
I've taught more of a works-based love.
I thought I was giving unconditional love, I really and truly did...but, true to the Lord, He has lifted the veil from my eyes and shown me that, while that may be what I strive for and even teach with my words, that is not what I've shown with my heart.
We are a family of five. My husband works two jobs so that I can stay home with the kids.
He is tired.
I am tired.
There is a laundry list of items that never get checked as "completed" (especially the laundry)!
Some nights the kids are screaming, everybody needs me at once, my back is hurting...and I get controlling.
Instead of seeing life through their eyes, I see it through mine, and all I want to do is control what's happening. They don't listen (because, well, they're kids and they're learning) and before I know it, I've said something I shouldn't have said.
No, I'm not calling them names or streaming out insults, but I am reacting so quickly in a negative way that I've made them feel poorly about themselves instead of good.
Oh, it could be anything...my son tonight, for example, used a hand towel to wipe out our disgusting sink and then hung it back up for us to wipe our hands with. Instead of focusing on his helping heart, I'd already zeroed in on the gross hand towel now hanging for all to use. I'm reacting to that and have let his well-intended deed feel more like an embarrassment for him.
It's things like that that I'm talking about.
Things that happen so quickly that it's too late to take back,
no matter how many compliments I try to bathe it in afterwards.
no matter how many compliments I try to bathe it in afterwards.
I love my children so incredibly much, but I feel sometimes like all I do is mess up, and mess up, and mess up.
I am so thankful to God that I don't have to bear this burden of my own mistakes.
I am so thankful to God that He is easier on me than I am on my own children.
I am so thankful to God for unconditional, perfect perfect love,
and second and third and fourth chances....
...and I am especially thankful that He works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28)...
....and though I may flail and falter as a mother,
I am not messing them up...
because He will take these mistakes of mine and
help to shape these three amazing children of HIS to His glory.
Does that mean I should continue to react so quickly and, sadly, so harshly?
Certainly not!
But it does mean that I can go to God, thank Him for showing me the error of my ways, seek His forgiveness, and then try again.
Knowing that God will work His good amidst my mess,
gives me the relief I need
to free myself from this burden
and be the mom these kids need me to be.
What about you? What are your weak spots as a parent? A sibling? A child? A friend?
Bring your weakness (and your guilt) to the Lord today. He will work His perfection through our faults and give you the hope you need to try again...yet not of our own strength...but His, and His alone.
Dear Lord,
I have been such a fool for the way I have treated the ones You have given me to love the most after You. I'm so sorry for being a stumbling block when I wanted to be a stepping stone...I'm so sorry for not loving unconditionally, but projecting a spirit of works-based love instead. I'm so sorry for bringing anxiety instead of peace and acceptance and open love and warmth. Please forgive me, Lord, for not being the parent You have created me to be. Thank You, Lord, that I am a work in progress...and for not leaving me here like this. Thank You for Your compassion, for Your acceptance of me just like I am, even when I am hurting the very ones You have given me to protect and love and care for. Please help me to be more like You, Lord. Help me to love unconditionally...to be quick to listen and slow to react and to speak. Help the words and the actions I speak to be those of love, acceptance and encouragement. I want so much for these kids to feel good when they are with me, and confident of who they are...I want them to know that I am here for them and that I love and accept and want for them in the very same way that You do for me. Help me to be Your face and to be it so very well. Help the way I live and love and act towards them to make them want to know You more than ever. I love You, my Father. Your will be done. In Jesus' sweet Name, I pray. Amen.
