Wednesday, April 30, 2014

EASY Rainy Day Activity With Your Toddler!

I don't know about the rest of you, but it is still chilly around these parts, 
despite what the calendar marks!

Even still, my Lady and I have managed to get ourselves outside on most days...She's crazy about going for walks, and I admit, we trespass on many a neighbor's yard for a closer look at the lawn ornaments that beckon us (well, she trespasses...Is it bad I send her off to roam while I safely guard the streets?  Way I figure is that no one is going to get mad about a baby meandering about their lawn, but a grown-up?  That just be downright creepy!!)

My Little Trespasser...Er, Lady...My Little Lady

So, yes, walks have been where it's at for us lately... But what to do on those days when the rain comes and decides it's staying?  Today was such a day, and with no activities pre-planned, I had to think fast..

Let me tell you...
a little cornstarch, a little water & last summer's Kool-Aid packets, 
and you've got yourself a party!!


Materials:
In case you missed it up above...
Cornstarch
Water
Kool-Aid packet(s)
Pan/deep baking dish of some sort

Seriously, this was so simple...I just mixed a little cornstarch with the water and, for reasons beyond my educated mind, the cornstarch creates the most bizarre consistency...

Oh, yeah, we threw in some pasta shells too...

Smack your hand down on the mixture and it reacts like a solid...
Slowly stick your finer into it and you've got yourself a gooey liquid...


You all know about this stuff, I'm sure, but I'm telling you, I'm completely enthralled by the whole thing!

My Lady was a bit freaked out at first, but she came around in the end!

And where does the Kool-Aid come in?

We used it to dye our concoction...Let me say, even that was cool to watch...
There was lots of mixing and swirling to be had until it became a slightly brownish pink mixture of goo!

Like I said...playtime success!!  

Word of warning though...the Kool-Aid WILL dye your hands.  So, if that's not your thing, you may want to find something else to color the mixture with...

In its defense, the Kool-Aid did smell quite delicious, and the dye had washed away by day's end!

What do you guys do on your unexpected rainy days in?
Got any super-easy toddler activities for me?  
I'd love to hear!





Monday, April 28, 2014

16 Verses When You Need to Feel God Near

When I was thinking about what to write for my next post, my mind was drawn to this little book of Bible verses I'd put together for my husband a while back.  Categorized by different things he may encounter along his path through this broken world, it really has become a handy "go-to" when he needs something to reach his heart fast.

What I've put together below are verses that have helped both my husband and me when we have felt low, alone, and pummeled by life's unyielding fist...

In them we have found hope and strength and the ever-blissful reminder 
I pray you find the same...


Habakkuk 3:19
The Soverign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to tread on the heights. 

..."Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you."
So we say with confidence,
"The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?"

You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; 
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, 
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze. 

Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.

But I will sing of your strength,
in the morning, I will sing of your love;
 for you are my fortress,
my refuge in times of trouble.

Truly my soul finds rest in God;
my salvation comes from him. 
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress; I will never be shaken.

Look to the Lord and his strength;
seek his face always.

The LORD will keep you from all harm-
He will watch over your life;
The Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore. 

But The Lord stood by my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it... 

..."Not by might or power but by my Spirit" says the Lord Almighty.

Psalm 139:7-10
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.


Monday, April 21, 2014

Godly Sorrow

Godly sorrow brings repentance
that leads to salvation
and leaves no regret, 
but worldly sorrow brings death.
2 Corinthians 7:10

The Lord has been working on me, and I know it...

I received a major dose of humble pie a couple weeks ago, and thankfully so...then comes the "He is My Gardener" post by +Adrienne Bolton ...where I'm reminded that the pruning is not comfortable at the time, but the beauty produced is undeniable.  With each, I have prayed...to be humbled...to be pruned...and boy has He come through...

Enter deep and godly sorrow, stage left..

Today, my eyes have been opened to pain that I caused years before.  I was aware at the time of it all that I had been hurtful, and the Lord has been working on my heart for months now to apologize, but it was not until today, when I had to look into those painfully sad eyes, that I finally saw the ripple effect of my careless actions and thoughtlessly selfish (and I do mean selfish) behavior.

It was not until then that I could truly see.  

I've caused hurts so deep and far-reaching that it's hard for me to understand how such destructiveness could have really come from me.  I have caused pain and heartache...made choices that I can never take back...compromised relationships that are still mending and some that may never...and as I sat there, taking this all in, I was aware of my selfishness, aware of how badly I wanted this junk, this filth I'd allowed to come from me, to be out and gone...aware of how badly I wanted to be cleansed and freed of this monstrous impurity.

See what this godly sorrow has produced in you:
what earnestness, what eagerness
to clear yourselves...
2 Corinthians 7:11a

Our good Lord prunes, 
and when He does, it surely can feel like the deepest of pains, 
but He is there...
...reaching us, guiding us, leading us, 
and even comforting us in His bountiful grace and mercy.

I don't deserve the forgiveness of those I've hurt the most, but I've got it.  I've got it and I've had it for years before I ever asked for it.  I hurt them with my words, my choices, my actions...and they turned the other cheek in their grace...

I showed them pain and they showed me Christ...

Godly sorrow is a beautiful thing...the sadness runs so deep in your grievance, but it leads to the most beautiful prayers, the most beautiful purging, the most beautiful surrender.

God is close...

I can feel Him in the forgiveness, in the nudging from within...the encouraging reminders that I am falling forward...that I am loved...that I am being pruned...and, if I'm being pruned, that means I will never be that person again...the one that caused so much heartache and pain.

Yes, I will make mistakes again...and I may be hurtful again too...but I am falling forward, I'm changing every day...I'm turning into what I was always meant to be for Him...and from this place, I step forward...The Lord has pruned me...lopped a huge branch from me that was infested...

...but He hasn't left me alone.

He's brought me forward in grace...and given me a healing from my unconscious suffering.

Praise You, Lord...for what You've done...for what You've shown me and how You've changed me and brought me forward.  Thank You for godly sorrow...it is gut-wrenching and a treacherous cup to drink from, but if it means never having to face who I once was, I gladly drink from it.  Please keep humbling me...please keep changing me...I need You more than ever, and even though I feel like I deserve You less than ever, THANK YOU for never leaving me.  Thank You for Your grace...for Your presence in our lives not being based on what we've said or done.  We all only need ask You for Your salvation...thank You, Lord, for loving us like this.  It is truly incomprehensible, though I ask for Your understanding of this to deepen each and every day.  I love You, my God...Thank You...Thank You for the pruning...for guiding me through godly sorrow.  In Jesus' name, Amen.




Saturday, April 19, 2014

Egg Night!!

So Egg Night was last tonight, folks...and around here, we serve it up right proper!!

Check out the final contenders in our traditionally fierce Egg Night Competition!!

We've got My Lady, bringing her first and, may I say, formidable entry!

              




My Boy representing for Lebron...


















And the rest of the riffraff with their renditions of 

Owl...



               Humpty...






















Sheep...



And a nice glass of that red (or is it purple?) stuff...
























What's Egg Night look like in your house?  
Send pics...I'd LOVE to see!!



Monday, April 14, 2014

Sword Drill Challenge: Final Week!!

"[Love] always protects, 
always trusts,
always hopes, 
always perseveres.
Love never fails.."
I Corinthians 13:7-8a

The final week is here!  I can hardly believe it!

I'm going to be honest, folks...Spring is definitely here too...along with my allergies!!  So, for tonight, I'm going to keep this exceptionally short!

METHOD:

For the final week, go ahead and choose your favorite from the methods we've tried!

Let me know which method you're choosing, and I'll get back to you all later in the week, when my eyes aren't so bleary!!



Missed a week?  Here's the rest of the series:
Week 1: Visualization  
Week 2:  Jesus Wept
Week 3:  10x10x2
Week 4: Hinds' Feet 

Saturday, April 12, 2014

How a Stopwatch Helped Me With My Mom-Guilt

Up until a few weeks ago, most of my stay-at-home days were riddled with a nasty combination of disorganization and guilt.

The house was always in a complete state of havoc,
I felt like I could never give enough to my kids, 
and I was often left wondering how 
I could work so hard 
to seemingly accomplish so little...
(Anyone ever felt like this before?)  
I had literally become a hamster in the wheel! 

Something had to change!  So change I did...just a few tweaks, but those few adjustments have really made a difference in me and how I handle the rest of the wildness of each and every day!

Perhaps the most delightful of changes has been to my schedule with my girl.  I'd been trying to alternate housework stuff with one-on-one time with her,
 but my guilt was always WAY too much to handle,
and I was always tormented by it when I was off doing something else separate from her.  I know, I know, it's good to do time apart and time with, blah, blah, blah!...I've read it, I've heard it, but it never served to console me like one would hope!

But then came the stopwatch, folks...

Now, I believe we've previously established the fact that I am closer to being a "fly by the seat of my pants" type of gal than, say, the "super neat freak, never deviate from the plan in place" type,
but I'm telling you that this stopwatch has been my window to freedom!

No joke, I set the timer on my phone for 20 minutes...
 ...In that 20, I'm either hanging with my girl or doing the housework...
                                                        Timer goes off and I switch!  

Now, if I'm with my girl, we tend to extend our time some, but if it's the housework, I pretty much drop it where it is, if I can help it!

I gotta tell you, it seems so simple, but it works! 

 Now, when she comes to me and wants me to read (or "REEE!" like she says!), I can say without guilt that "Mommy is working" and know that it's okay to...the guilt really and truly is kept at bay!
If any of you are guilt ridden like I have been, you really need to try this!  

20 minutes too much or too little?  Adjust it to whatever works best for you guys!!

Got any "guilt free" tricks up your sleeve??  I'd love to hear about them!!





Thursday, April 10, 2014

When the Heart Breaks the Hardest

Tonight, I sit with so much emotion on my aching heart.

Parenthood, in and of itself, is a crash course in every topic under the sun...I'm not telling anyone anything new there!  
No matter how much you may read on the topic, 
books just don't prepare you for this stuff...
They couldn't possibly!   

Not for the joy you'll feel when they take their first steps,
                                                                                   or say their first words...

...not for that first day of Kindergarten
                                                        or their first sleepover...

...and certainly not for the heartache you'll feel 
as you watch your little boy cry himself to sleep at night....

They don't talk about the anger you'll feel
                          as you hear the name your son was called at school that day...

They don't explain to you the helplessness you'll encounter as your sweet-hearted one...the one you taught gentleness and kindness and tenderness to...recants the cruelty that he's confronted not just that day but for the days prior as well... ...

No, no, those books, with their pinks and their blues 
that you read in those beautiful days of expectancy...
they just don't prepare you for that..

Though, as I write, there is a Book I know...the only One that can provide solace...not just to my broken heart, but to my son's as well.

He heals the brokenhearted 
and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:3

Please pray...
...not just for my little boy, 
but for every child who has ever had their heart broken...
...for every child who goes to sleep at night wondering,
 "Will they talk to me tomorrow?  
Will somebody be my friend?"   




Monday, April 7, 2014

Sword Drill Challenge: Week 4



So here we are...3 weeks under our belts and 2 more to go!  
I hope everyone is discovering which methods work best for them 
and that the memorization habit has become...well...a habit!  

I'm more aware than ever of how vital memorizing is to our walk with Christ.  Often times, when my thoughts are up to nothing constructive, I have been able to redirect and re-purpose myself by focusing on one of the Scriptures we've learned!!  I gotta say, I'm pretty excited about that!

So let's dive right in...

This week we'll be in the Book of Habakkuk. There's actually a book that is based off of Habakkuk 3:19 called Hinds' Feet on High Places, by Hannah Hurnard.  It is absolutely one of my most favorite books...if you haven't read it yet, clearly I recommend it!!

METHOD:

This week we are looking back to Pinterest for our memorization approach.

Basically, you'll be putting this verse on your phone's lock screen or background (or both!).  I don't know about you guys, but I'm on my phone several times a day (totally putting it modestly!)...

...so each time we go to our phones this week, Voila!, there the Scripture will be!  
I love it!!!

Feel free to use the image I created above, if you like! 

 Drop me a line and let me know how things are going with this new style!!  I'd love to hear from you!!


Missed a week?  Here's the rest of the series:
Week 1: Visualization  
Week 2:  Jesus Wept
Week 3:  10x10x2


Sunday, April 6, 2014

Convicted!

Have you ever had your eyes so opened to the truth about yourself that it was unbearable to gaze upon for too long?
I certainly have..
and one of those times was today..

I'm horrified to say it, but
                                    I am selfish...
                                                   I am proud...
                                                                   ...and I am arrogant...

You would never know it if you met me, though...because my nature is sweet and gentle and loving..  And, while all of that is true.. that I possess these traits by God...I have been harboring a darkness in my spirit, at the same time...

I've been captive to sin...
chained and bound by my own arrogance and selfish pride....
and I didn't even know it!  

It's appalling to me that the very gifts God has given me for good I have used as stones to throw at others with false justification...

His gifts to me...while outwardly they were beautifully displayed, inwardly they were the soap boxes I used to stand upon while pointing my finger and looking down my nose at those closest to me.

Trust me, to be around me, you'd never know this was the case...And, for the most part, I didn't either...but then it would ooze out and make it's appearance within my thoughts...within my disbelief over someone not knowing something so "obvious"...within my criticism over the way something was handled...
Ugh...convictions are so hard...
...they are the absolute best 
and the absolute worst...
all in one horrible magnificent package! 

My deepest prayer is for God's forgiveness over how blind and arrogant and self-centered and prideful I've been...It is this self-centeredness...this arrogance and false pride...that got me into this mess in the first place!

In thought, in word, in action...my prayer is for the Holy Spirit 
to purge me and break all of these chains 
I allowed to fester within and ravage upon my heart...

Praise God for His gracious love and for His mercy. 
Praise Him for His patience, while I acted like a complete buffoon (& I'm sure I will again...)

"What now?", I ask of Him.. 
"What will You have me be now?"
...because I feel like I'm starting over...and, in so many ways, I thankfully am...

Oh conviction, how it can tear to the soul...
...and thank God for that...
...because I cannot bear any longer to be who I was just this morning ...

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, 
and renew a steadfast spirit within me." 
Psalm 51:10

Image by Wisdom Grace and Curls








Thursday, April 3, 2014

So Not Worthy...

As I walk through this day...

...as I teach...



...as I play...















...and go for walks...

I'm so overwhelmingly aware that I do not deserve what I've been given in this life...

Thank. You, Father, for Your mercy...
...thank You for Your sweet and abundant grace...

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

SDC: Have YOU 10x10x2x'd lately?

Psalm 119:105
Your word is a lamp for my feet,
a light on my path.

So this Sword Drill Challenge has been very good for me!  Aside from the obvious gain of storing these Bible verses in my heart, I'm also learning which methods work for me and which just don't fit the bill quite as well!  Granted, there have only been the two methods, lol, but I can absolutely say that the Visual method fits my style way more than the reading repeats and writing repeats have so far!  Don't get me wrong, this week's method is a good method, but I still find myself visualizing the verse while I'm trying to recall it...

....and, to be honest, how can I not, what-with the whole picture in my head of me walking a heavily wooded path in the middle of the night...and the brilliant Light of His Word beaming from my sneakers!!  I'm not sure if I've mentioned this in previous posts, but I'm a painter...I love love LOVE to paint murals, and I'm telling you, THIS verse here would make an amazing one...the whole picture is just so cool!

Anyways, I digress...

So, how is everybody else faring with this week's 10x10x2x approach?  (Click here for the lowdown of what that even is!)

I have to say, despite my tendency towards the visualization angle, I really do quite like this one.  I mean, it is, after all, snug in my heart now, so that's perfect...mission accomplished, right?!

I do have a different take on the writing it twice approach that might also work for you too...
            ...I wound up typing it on my phone.
...I just found it to be a whole lot more accessible than pen and paper were to me!!

You know, I can hardly believe we're nearing the end of this challenge!  I have to admit, it's been tough keeping up with these posts, but it's been rewarding!  


Got a method you'd like to share for next week?  I'd love to hear about it!!











Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Liebster Award Gratitude!

I'm SUPER excited to say that Cassidy Berd of Busted Heels 
has nominated me for the Liebster Award!!     

                                                

Let me hear you say "WOOOOO-WOOOOO!!"

...And just when I was starting to think I was writing to an audience of one (that "one" being me)!!

Needless to say, I'm incredibly excited about the whole thing and feeling pretty humbled that she chose me as one of her blogs of mention!  As soon as one can, you gotta shoot over to Busted Heels.  It's real, it's raw with emotion, it's heartfelt...did I mention real?  Well, it's tops on my list of things I look for in a blog, so it's worth mentioning twice!!

From what I'm gathering with how this works and all, here are the rules to accepting this award:

1.  Acknowledge the blogger who nominated you and display the award...Check!!

2.  Answer 11 questions the blogger gives you...Oh boy! 

What triggered your desire to start blogging?

I'll be honest, initially I dove into blogging as a way to earn a little extra income.  We are new to the single income bracket, and while we always have what we need, I saw this as a way to generate some revenue.  Since then, I've changed my tune and am thinking that God's got something else in mind. I may add money makers at some point on this blog, but for now I feel confident that it's already everything it's suppose to be.

What is your goal as a blogger?

My goal is just to be real...to not hide what real life is like...to help encourage and inspire others to find who they are, to be who they are, and to love who they are...We are all designed for greatness, but I believe that none of us will achieve that if we don't let go of what we've decided that greatness should look like for us.  Kind of an oxymoron...Want to be great? Be small...Want to receive love?  Give it away...Want freedom?  Surrender...

If you had the chance to be someone else for one day, who would you be and why?

Easy...I would be my son...and I would tell the kid at his school that mistreats him that I'm (my son is) something pretty incredible...I'd stand up to him, walk away from the hurt, and surround myself with the right friends.

How would your best friend describe you?  

 In love with God and my family...happy, LOUD, loving, hopeful...BLESSED..

What childhood memory stands out the most?  

There was a new neighborhood being developed, and the road wasn't paved yet...my mom took me there and we ran all around pretending we were in a CandyLand with hot fudge rivers...I'll never forget it...

What is your greatest fear?  

Cheating on this one and keeping that one for me!

What was the happiest moment in your life?

Cheating again and making it multiple moments...my wedding day and the days my children were born..

What is your favorite breakfast food?

BELGIAN WAFFLES...pecan Belgian waffles with maple syrup...our waffle maker broke though...anyone want to send me one?!

If you could go back 5 years and give yourself one piece of advice, what would it be?

STOP!!  Don't compromise who you are...you've come so far...believe in yourself and trust God...
Thank God for His grace, because I did not follow such advice and went down a difficult path...no, make that fell...I fell hard down a difficult path.  Let's just call it what it was...I fell down an abysmal hole...but, by God's grace, I am here and not in that hole...we don't deserve the blessings we have...and I certainly didn't deserve yet another chance, but that's God's grace for you!

What is your drink of choice?

Red wine...a nice glass after a long day, feet kicked up, watching a great movie...still breastfeeding though, so that red wine's on hold!

What is your biggest pet peeve?

Complaining!...I don't mean about the kind of stuff that would serve as a justifiable reason.  I mean the constant, every day stuff that brings on one complaint after another...wait, is it ME that's complaining now?! 

3.  Give 11 random facts about yourself...Yikes!  Here goes...

-I love, love, LOVE to run, but growing up I totally hated it...
-I'm crazy competitive when it comes to sports...
-I have an impossible love of peanut butter...
-And an even greater one for chocolate...
-...I also consume alarming amounts of popcorn...no seriously, it's obscene!
-I'm an extremely private person when it comes to the ones I love.
-I love the romance movies but only my husband really knows that!
-I was so shy in high school that I barely spoke, but now I'll talk to pretty much anyone.
-Naps are my friend.
-Clouds, flat out, are simply amazing...I use to pretend there was a whole city up there when I was a kid...now, when I remember to look up, I still do!

4.  Nominate 11 blogs that have less than 200 followers that you think are deserving of the award. 
Now, I'm not going to promise they have less than 200 followers, but I've done my best!...

Here they are folks...they're wonderful, they're fabulous, they're simply amazing....
Do yourselves a favor and check these blogs out!!  

The Kreiser Chronicles: Trying to figure life out, just like the rest of us, Tessa writes about her experiences as a stay-at-home mom.  She's funny, she's feisty, and she's an excellent source for kids' crafts and activities!

Evolving the Conversation of Mothering:  This blog is about faith and inspiration to be the best mothers...the best women...we can be.  Get ready to feel empowered, refocused, and re-energized with this one!

Ben and Me:  An excellent home-schooling resource, this blog exposes what it's really is all about.  Clearly in love with her son and her family, Marcy takes you through day-to-day living for her and her boy and shows how the only place for God and her accompanying faith is right there in the center of it all.

The Army Chaps Wife:  Another great "go-to" for all things faith, family and home-school, this devoted wife and mom of two writes about the things that make her world go 'round.  Her love of God and family shines through in every post she writes.  A definite inspiration!

Zealous Mom:  This fit mom of two is funny, witty, and has a whole lot of insight into the life and mind of a child.  If you're looking to sharpen and deepen the ol' "family first" perspective, this blog is the right one for you!

Suncoast Momma:  Marya really hits the nail on the head with her very real and heartfelt posts about disability, faith, and homeschooling.  Visit her blog and you'll have a hard time leaving...she really gives you a lot to think about!

Not a Stepford Life:  If you're looking for a witty, "tell it like it is" blogger, this is the place for you!  She's funny, she's insightful, she's kick-you-in-the-pants real...  If you ask me, this blog is a must-read!!

For Him and My Family:  Be prepared to be amazed...this blogging mom of EIGHT (yes, eight!) is an excellent resource for faithful inspiration, homeschooling, and recipes (add gluten free/soy free/lactose free to that whole "mom of 8" challenge!).

Homemade for Elle:  A fellow blogger looking to rid themselves and their homes of the harmful toxins we have unwittingly been putting in and on our bodies for years, you'll find a plethora of information about making the "switch" from harmful to healthful!  Step away from the chemicals and find a healthier way of living here!

Teaching Two Stinkers:  Homeschooling mom to...well...two stinkers, if you are in need of some educational resources, lesson plans, how-to's, or anything else homeschool related, you definitely need to swing by here.  Jenn has done her research, to say the least, and has got one of the most organized and in-depth lists I've seen thus far...a serious wealth of information, if you will!

Don't Lick Your Sister:  With a blog title like that, I'm not sure I even need to say any more!  A working mom of two, Julie writes about pretty much anything and everything we've all had to tackle and endure as moms...No matter where you may find yourself in the early child-rearing process (and beyond, as her children and her blog grow), chances are Julie has covered it!

5.  Let the bloggers know you've nominated them...Did it!

6.  Give them 11 questions to answer...Your turn now!

-What made you decide to blog?

-Are you an early morning blogger, late night, or somewhere in between?

-Early to rise, late to bed, or both? (bordering on the same question, perhaps)

-Coffee or tea?

-Chocolate or ice cream?

-What was your best vacation ever?

-...and your dream vacation?

-Three things your kid(s) would say about you...

-When's the last time you laughed...I mean really, REALLY laughed?

-On that same note, when's the last time you broke out the crazy (& I mean FUN crazy, not the monster kind!) with your kids?

-If you could, would you have more kids or keep the numbers right where they are, thank you very much?!



So that's it!  Thank you so much, +Cassidy Berd, for thinking of me and for giving me this opportunity!

To the 11 I chose...I hope you know I think the world of you and what you contribute through your blogs...THANK YOU for all that you do and for being the inspiring bloggers that you really are!!!!