Graduation and Letting Go...

Just yesterday, my son graduated from elementary school.

For those of you who have "been there", you know how emotional this can be...

For those who are heading in that direction with your own, 

I'd love to advise you to brace yourselves, 

but in all reality, there's no bracing for these things..

and, to be honest,
I don't think I would want to...not for something like this,

because to brace myself would mean to hold back parts of my heart 

so I didn't feel the emotional pangs of letting go, 

and I don't ever want to do that.  

I am still grappling to understand how my baby is already moving up to middle school...and I am floored on a near-daily basis over the realization that he really is moving further and further away from that baby boy I once held in my arms and yet, at the same time, not at all.

It is hard coming to terms with that and even harder to accept that there's nothing I can do about it except let him go and make the most of every possible opportunity I have been given to be with him.

So, I've basically been an emotional blubber of tears these past few weeks...I'm not gonna lie.  I'm so proud, so grateful, so honored, so blessed to be his mom.  It all is just going so quickly.

I'd just like to hit the pause button once in a while 

so that I can absorb it all just a little bit more deeply before heading on.  

It seems like only yesterday that I was chasing after him as he learned to walk, ready to catch him at a moment's notice.  Sometimes now, I feel like I'm running just to catch up, and I know that day is coming soon, where I'll stop running altogether, catch my breath and sigh a bittersweet sigh over the realization that it's time to let him go on his own.  Oh yes, I'll still be there, of that you can be sure, and I know that he will always need me and I will always be there to catch him at a moment's notice, but life is different now...the seasons, they change so quickly...and I just couldn't be any prouder of this young man he is becoming.

I've already written him a his graduation letter, but in my heart calls another:

Poppy,

I'm so very proud of you...so amazed by who you already are and who you're becoming...

I sure can't stop you from growing up, nor would I want to, but let me tell you that this all is so much harder than I ever dreamed and yet so worth it.

Every day, I let go a little more, as I should, but every day I also love you more than all the other days combined.

I can't wait to see all that you become...I can't wait to cheer for you in your successes and cheer you on when the successes aren't as forthcoming.  I have told you before, and I say it again:  You are my physical evidence of the Lord's grace...my gift undeserved but granted all the same.

Thank you for the honor of being your mother...thank you for the privilege of knowing your life the way you have let me...

Follow the Lord's Path...seek it out at all costs...even, and especially when it feels like everyone around you is walking in the opposite direction.  Some of your closest friends may fall and turn...but you, my love...keep pressing onward and forward towards His Kingdom, and surround yourself with godly influences to help you along your way, guarding your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.

I love you, Poppy...

Congratulations again on this new chapter in your life...

The Tug...Responding When God Calls

I know He wants me writing...I think about it innumerable times each day...

....but I'm so busy....

Every morning I sit in my daughter's room while she is still asleep in mine...I draw the shades and look at the sky while I have my time with God....

And I tell Him...

"Whatever You want me to do Lord, I'll do it..."

...but you see, I'm so so tired...

Life truly is an amazing journey, and I love the living and the loving and the busy days I spend with and for my children and husband, for my God.

Yet I am so so tired...  

I have found myself injured on and off for the better part of a year now, with the 9 months prior to that being in the marvelous throes of pregnancy...I've loved being pregnant with my third and I've loved every newborn moment of this last year with my third and my other two beloveds. 

Still, I am just so tired...

...and the being injured...next to the sleepless nights given by my precious smallest one, the being injured part has been laborious to endure...
While I have certainly improved, I am still on the road to recovery and it has been hard.  The discomfort constantly reminds me that I'm not wholly myself , and the sleepless nights coupled with this injury well, they're enough to test even the most hardcore among us...

And yet still I hear Him unmistakably, in my heart, telling me to write...

And so I am...

...not as quickly as He has nudged me, though I'd like to say I responded so...

...but I am here now...and I'm ready to hear what He's been waiting to say...

Speak, Lord...Your servant is listening...

Picture via YouVersion Bible App