The Bliss of Living A "Bottom of the Coffee Pot" Kind of Life

We are a "bottom of the coffee pot" kind of family.  

Photo by Jim Lost At Sea via FreeImages

Doesn't really sound like the kind of label anyone would want to wear, but I'm especially proud of this one...

Every Wednesday night, my family and I rush across town to our church.  It's group night there, and all of our activities begin promptly at 6:30.

I've seriously tried everything I can think of to get us there on time (including dinner in the car!), but no matter what I do, we are always late.  For the last 2 months, each and every Wednesday, my family and I arrive after everything has already started.  Week after week, without fail, we sheepishly check in our younger two while my eyes dart around, quickly scoping out the scene to see whether there could possibly be another family arriving after us.

A little camaraderie, perhaps?

Usually, there is not.  

It's just us.  

Last night, we were especially late.

After hurrying to get the kids to their rooms, my husband and I dashed to the coffee table, hoping for a little caffeine to keep our minds alert and our eyes open after putting in a hard day's work.

Once again, I held our cups while my husband tipped the coffee urn forward, each of us hoping for enough to fill our containers!  While laughing at the fact that here we are, once again, tipping that pot, hoping for the parts of the coffee that no one really wants, it dawned on me:

This is where I want to be, tipping the pot with my husband.  

We work so hard.  

We try our best.  

We're giving this life everything we've got for our King.  

Right now, it's true, we're a "bottom of the coffee pot" kind of family, but I know that neither of us would trade it in for the world.  Some day, when our kids are grown and life slows down, I'm sure we'll be receiving first fruits from that coffee pot, while some other family comes lagging behind for their burnt drops of coffee, but I'm in absolutely no hurry for it.

I drink in full my burnt coffee, knowing that I have got the best of it all...with my life and heart for my God, and my mission and purpose for Him and my family.

Thank You, Lord, for the bottom of the pot coffee that my husband and I drink from on the regular.  I pray, Oh Lord, that we will always be grateful for these cups You have us drink from, and that we never ever forget the precious reasons we drink from this particular part of the well.  Thank You for our blessings, Lord.  They are worth every precious bit of burnt coffee we pour into our cups...because of You, that burnt coffee tastes like the sweetest, richest flavor of all.  Praise You, my King.  I love You with all that I am.  

In Jesus'  Precious Name, Amen.

Photo by AA via FreeImages

Doing the Bible With Play Dough: Jonah

I know, I know...When I first started this series, I swore I'd post a new play dough story each week, and already, I have not.  Unforeseen circumstances with my back and three sick kids sort of rewrote that story, but we're here now, so let's get started!

Materials:

Play dough - Like last time, you can buy it, or make your own.  Whichever works best for you!  We seem to have a lifetime supply of the stuff and won't be making ours anytime soon, but I'd love to know how that recipe works out for you, if you try it!

Bible - This week's story comes from Jonah.  This one is four chapters long.  Now, before you go cringing at the thought, let me assure you that these chapters are short, and this story is so fun to visualize, which makes it easy to keep their attention the whole time!

All I basically said was that God wanted Jonah to go to Ninevah but Jonah said no.

Yes, we're using the Jedi men again...this likely won't be the last you see of them!
We used the mold for Jonah and two other guys for the boat!

He gets on a ship heading in the opposite direction.  (For this, we just used any container that mildly represented a boat and put all three of our play dough men inside.)

A huge storm comes. (Here, I let my daughter rock the boat all around.)

Jonah knows that the storm is his fault.

He tells the people to throw him overboard to calm the storm.

See...nothing extravagant here...just enough to get the point across.
Their imaginations will take care of the rest!

The storm immediately calms.  (Depending on your child's attention span, an important tidbit you can add here is that, when the storm calms, the remaining men on the boat realize how powerful God is and turn their lives to Him.)

Jonah sinks.

But a GIANT fish comes along and swallows him up.

I'm assuming Jonah's was a little more intimidating...

He stays there for 3 days.

Once he prays and tells God that he is sorry, God has the giant fish swim to shore and spit him up.

God tells Jonah to go to Ninevah and this time Jonah says yes.

The people in Ninevah hear what Jonah has to say, change their ways and ask God to forgive them.

I skipped the very last part for my daughter.  You know, the part where Jonah gets really mad that God had compassion on them.  I didn't want the first part of the story to get lost over the confusion she'd likely have with Jonah's reaction, so I just left it for when she is a little older.  

So that's it!  I think the most important thing to remember when you are doing these with your own child is to keep it simple (for the both of you):  The creations do not have to be extravagant and the story should be as short and to the point as possible.  You, of course, know your child better than I, but I find over here at this house, the shorter and to the point I am, the better she retains what I'm saying!

Oh, also...and this is a BIG one for us.  Make sure to have some fun making other creations as well!  Before our Jonah reenactment began, I let my daughter have a free-for-all with the play dough.  
Then we paused for the Jonah story and then picked back up with the free-for-all once again!

So, I hope you guys have so much fun with this one!  If you take any pictures of your Jonah story (or other play dough creations), send them my way, and I'll be sure to add them to my post!

Missed the first play dough story?  You can catch it here!

Doing The Bible With Play Dough: Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego

I'm just going to get this right out in the open:

Yes, 

I am doing a series

on teaching kids about the Bible through play dough.

No, 

I do not have even the slightest of talents 

in the art of play dough creations!

Even still, I'm just so excited about the idea (thank you, children's church group!), and I'm super encouraged by my daughter's reception of it!

During the series, we'll be studying a new story from the Bible each week and reenacting it via play dough.  (So, if you've got any stories you'd like to see unfold, let me know!)

Materials:

Play dough - We used store bought, because, as you can see, we have A LOT!  If you're looking for a homemade recipe though, here's one that I pinned from Living Well Mom.  I haven't tried it yet myself, but it looks very simple!

Bible - This week's story comes from Daniel 3.  It's a huge plus to have read the story prior to trying to recreate it with your kids.  I have found that, while I certainly do read straight from the Bible to my daughter, her attention stays with me a lot better if I can give her an excited and animated summary instead. 

This all is really very easy.

I told my girl a 30-second version of the story first, and then suggested different things we could make with the play dough. 

We went for the obvious and started with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.

And, of course, don't forget the angel!  

Why, yes!  Shadrach does look just like a jedi!
(Hey, you work with what you've got!)

My daughter was amazed by this part - that there was a fourth "person" in the flames with them.  

Over the years, we have collected a ton of play dough tools.  We just fished around and found what would fit with our story.  If you don't happen to have any tools, you could always just make the flames yourself...Even if you're challenged like I am, simply making blobs of orange and red for the fire will do just fine..if your kids are anything like mine, they'll just love the fact that you got the play dough out!

Once everything was all set, I told my daughter the story once more, but this time I used the figures we had made.  When we got to the part about their hands being bound, I squooshed their hands together.  When we got to the part that they were walking around freely in the fire, I just pulled their hands back apart.  You get the idea..

So there you have it!  Our first Bible reenactment via play dough!  Despite my lack of play dough know-how, my daughter absolutely loved this project!  She actually said in the middle of it all that "this was the best day ever!", so really, a chance to teach my child about God AND a chance to do it in an exciting way for her is really a complete win-win in my book!

We'll be doing these reenactments each week, so be sure to check back in!  Got any play dough reenactments that you guys have done at your house?  Send those pictures my way!  I'd love to see!

How My Mom F-A-I-L Moment Has Been A Wake-Up Call

I think when I first became a stay-at-home mom, I believed that I would get so much done with each and every day:  The beds would be made and the house would be clean, there'd be crafts with the kids, and I'd have everyone on an organized schedule.

That was when my daughter was two.

Fast forward nearly three years and another child later, and I can safely say that we are SO far from that goal.  On a typical day, I am able to write off the craziness and chaos by telling myself that all the other moms are no better organized and orderly than I.

Last night, that bubble of mine totally burst, 

leaving me to realize that I seriously need some help!  

On Wednesdays, my family and I go to varying groups at our church.  Each child is in a different classroom, and my husband and I go to ours as well.  As it goes with classes, there is homework, and while I was never able to complete the entire thing each week with my daughter, we always read through the exercises and had the memory verse completed.  I really thought this was enough and actually felt pretty good about it.  There's just no more space to pack anything else into our days, and I was happy to feel I'd done my best...besides, there's no way other parents were getting all of this homework done...at least not everyone...right?

Wrong...so so wrong.

Turns out, my girl was the only one in her entire class to not have all of the items checked off in her book, which also meant that she was the only one to not have earned all of her badges.  While her teacher explained to me that this was the reason she had had a melt down in class, my heart just dropped.  I felt completely horrible for having let my daughter down, and I was just plain embarrassed.

Seriously, talk about feeling like I'd just committed a major parenting F-A-I-L!  

As we drove home that night, I couldn't help but think, "Where am I suppose to put this all?" and "How on earth am I seriously the only one to have not had this completed with my daughter?!"  I felt incredulous and truly like I was failing at this whole mom thing.

I think the long and short of it is that I just need to get organized.  I feel like the walls in this house are literally coming down around me with the dirty dishes and the clutter and the mess and our flying out of the house and arriving at the last minute all the time.  I seriously need to get off of this cycle and start a new one.

Remember that Crystal Paine book I was talking about?  Yeah, still the first chapter; but I picked it up again today.  I didn't make it very far, but she has me writing down everything I already do in a day right as I'm doing it.  I thought it would show me all of my time-wasting moments, but so far, what I'm seeing is more of a chaotic pattern.  While I may go into the kitchen to start the dishes, I'll notice something on the table that needs to go into the other room and redirect to there, and so on.  There's no rhyme or reason.  No order or structure, and while part of me likes that, it's also not working.

My husband thinks I should buy a giant white board so I can get everything down in one place.  I think I will.

This is going to take a while.  Last night was a wake-up call for me.  I'm sure it was imagined, but I could just feel that teacher wondering how I could let something so important fall by the wayside.  Really, that's just not true.  We aren't like that in our home.  We are constantly discussing the topic of God and Jesus Christ with our kids, but the sting was there and I've awoken to the fact that I need help...some serious organizational and cleaning help.

I just have not figured out how to balance 

time with kids and time on the house, 

and clearly both are feeling the repercussions of that.

What is the main thing that you do to keep your house and family organized and running smoothly?

I'm sure hoping this book will shed some light for me, because even though I so badly want to cut from my previous mold, this is all so much harder than it looked from the outside!

One thing I am certain of, however, is that whether I figure this whole thing out or not, my God loves me.  He sees my heart and knows my intentions.

We are all works in progress...sometimes I forget about that.

God did bring a verse to my heart though.  I love the entire passage, but in particular, I can feel that He wants me to focus right here for a while until I can also say it for myself:

"...I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances..."

Philippians 4:11

May you also learn contentment, no matter where in your life you may find yourself.  Give yourself grace and a large portion of mercy, and remember, we are all works in progress for Him, and He will continue His good work in you straight on through to completion (Philippians 1:6, paraphrase mine).

Photo by Cheryl Empey via Free Images

Did You Know That Jesus Owns a Vacuum?

Sometimes, I mess up so royally that I find myself wishing I could be...I don't know...something along the lines of flawless...especially as a mother!

Alas, "flawless" is not a characteristic that courses through my human veins, so I have discovered myself in more than a few self-created messes where I wished I could take it all back.

I mean, just imagine if we could use our vacuums, 

and make it all go away, 

as though it never happened in the first place!

Yesterday I really could have used this vacuum.

My daughter is absolutely amazing.  She's brilliant and artistic and funny and loving and a million other wonderful things.

She's also feisty...very, VERY feisty.  

Now, I've got this little girl down to a science.  I am able to connect with her and reach her on a level that only a mother can.  Despite this fountain of knowledge, yesterday, when we were rushing out of the house and I knew...I mean, I knew...that the socks I had quickly grabbed were the "wrong" ones, I still tried to press forward.

You can guess how that went, I'm sure:  With her foot darting about from side to side, as I tried to get even one sock to stay on, we both quickly went from humored to highly agitated and frustrated.

Now, I know this is not the approach for my girl...I mean, I knew it before I knelt down to put these socks on, but we were late and I didn't have time to find another pair, so I simply forged ahead!

On a side note, any short cuts I am ever to try 

on any of my three kids, is actually the long way in disguise.  

Have you found this to be the case with you and yours as well?  

The shortcuts never work out, and this time was proving to be no exception.  It certainly would have been quicker to have found another pair of socks, but see, I'm feisty too and so now, this had become a battle of the wills.

Yup.  Very mature.

So there I was, amid the floundering of socks and our impending battle of the wills, and God was showing me that I was about to say something I'd regret, but I didn't heed His warning.  Next thing you know, I'm pulling my daughter towards the door and telling her to go walk in the snow barefoot.

Not my proudest moment.

I'm actually very embarrassed to even write that and had no intentions of sharing this story any further than the reaches of my front door, but I felt prodded by God to blog about it.  It's important for people to see that even the best-meaning, most loving of hearts can completely blunder and hurt the ones they love.

Maybe my actions seem like nothing to you.  Maybe it seems completely appalling, like I too felt it was.  Either way, my reaction caused both my little girl and me to completely stop in our tracks (and yes, I did retreat finally for those socks).

Now, my little girl was left completely unscathed by the whole thing (and no, I did not make her walk barefoot in the snow).  As for me, I apologized, we hugged, we talked, but I was completely traumatized by the whole thing.

How could I get here...and over a pair of socks?!  

It really did get me thinking about how I just wish 

I could always treat my kids, my family, my God, the way I feel in my heart...

It is deeply disheartening to have those moments 

where I've gone and spewed out a bunch of trash 

that I didn't even mean but can never take back.

I longed to have that vacuum to clean this whole mess up and have it be like it never happened in the first place.  The dread from it all was unbearable, and afterwards, I rode much of our drive in silence.  My daughter had forgiven me and moved on, but I was so ashamed of how I'd treated this gift God has entrusted me to take care of.

Then it struck me.

This is what God's grace and mercy are all about.
I messed up.
Big time.  There was no hiding this fact.

There was no excuse that could soften my culpability...

but see, that's where Jesus comes in.  

We go to the Cross with our burdens and sins, we ask for forgiveness, and...get this...we actually get to leave our burdens and sins right there for Him to take care of.

I messed up.  

Yes.  

But I don't have to carry the burden of it around with me.  

No one does, no matter what the error.  

So, you better believe, I went to that Cross, and I asked for forgiveness, and just like that, our Lord's "vacuum" that cleans up the mess of all who have sinned, asked for salvation and sought forgiveness was switched to "On".

While it is true that sometimes I do wish that I could be flawless in my life, especially as a mother, I'm realizing that to be so would mean that I did not need Christ, and I'm not willing to ever experience that.

So, I take my flawed existence, and I bring it to my God and thank Him for giving His undeserved grace and forgiveness, for granting me freedom right here and now from the chains that bind, and because of Him, whenever God sees me, all He sees is Jesus living in me...

Wholly

and completely

flawless.

Picture by cbcs via Free Images

Choosing Hope Over Self-Pity...

God really has a way of reaching us right where we are.  Have you ever noticed that?  Whether it's through the word of a friend, or the Word of God Himself, He knows what we need to hear and when we need to hear it, and He is always faithful to provide.  Through the course of my life, I have felt these moments with Him, but each and every time it happens, it never ceases to amaze me.

I'm struggling still, with my back and my body.  The pain and discomfort is not all the time, thankfully, but I'm aware of it and its limitations with nearly every movement I make each and every day.  Some days I feel the progress, while still others, I feel like I'm closer to the start again.  Some days I feel triumphant while on others, I am full of self-pity.

Last night, I was full of self-pity.

While I am so grateful for the change in me spiritually, sometimes I get so frustrated with the physical end of things that I become overwhelmed with disappointment.  I have always been an athlete, from the time I was a small child clear on through to adulthood, and now that I'm here, unable to do the things I once have, I sometimes feel lost and trapped and wishing I had appreciated what I had when I had it.

But regret is not something God wants us to carry upon our shoulders...

and neither is the state of feeling lost or limited...

...and true to our loving God, this was not a place He was going to let me stay in for long without Him speaking in some way.

My oldest and I were going over a devotional last night...It was about this monkey who had reached his hand inside of a cage to get a banana.  When he went to pull his hand back out, he found he was trapped because the hole was too small for the banana, and he wasn't willing to let go of it.  Therefore, because of his own choice, this monkey had limited himself and became completely unable to move due to his unwillingness to let go.

Immediately, I realized that I am the crazy monkey 

holding on for dear life to that banana.  

God has this freedom that is mine for the taking, even amidst my current situation, but in order to receive it, I need to let go.

I need to accept my current physical state.

I need to give Him my plans.  

Each morning, I tell Him that the day is His...that my life is His to use, but when I hold on to disappointment and am overcome with sadness because I can no longer run or swim like I once loved, I really am not giving Him my day and especially not my life...not entirely.

Who ever wakes up in the morning and excitedly proclaims, "Today, I will give God just a tiny portion of myself"?  I mean, that sounds crazy, doesn't it?
Yet, that's what I'm saying with my reactions:  "Here, God, have all of me, but wait...no, not that...or that...and You can't have that..."

How nuts is it to say to the Creator of all things...

to the One that is All-Knowing...

that you just aren't sure if you can trust His plan?!  

I mean, seriously...do I really think that my plans could ever dare to compete with even a fraction of one of His?
Jeremiah 29:11 states clearly that "[He] knows the plans [He] has for [us].  Plans to prosper [us] and not to harm [us], plans to give [us] hope and a future."
Romans 8:28 goes on to say that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him".  

So what was I worrying about again?  Why am I so bummed out about this and not excited by the hope that He brings through these encouraging words alone?!

It's so easy to get lost when your eyes aren't on Christ.  It's so easy to fall into the trap of self-pity and bitterness and depression when you only look at your plans and don't leave yourself open to the plans of the Almighty One.

Why hold onto the banana, so to speak, 

when God is waiting to give you an infinite supply?

The Lord really moved in me through this whole monkey story last night, but He drove the point home even further this morning through my husband and this verse:

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, 

for my power is made perfect in weakness."  

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, 

so that Christ's power may rest on me.  

That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, 

in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  

For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

His power is resting on my injuries...

As difficult as this journey with my injuries has been, it has really been a gift in disguise.  I may not have what I initially wanted, but I am realizing that I have something far greater than I ever could have imagined.  The Lord has blessed my marriage through this experience, He has prioritized my life, shown me where my faith is weak and has made it far stronger than it ever was before.

Could I have learned these things through a different means?  

Sure, if the Lord had chosen, 

but He knew the best way to reach me, 

and this was it.  

I have always had my identity so deeply engraved in my own athleticism.  When my healing didn't come as quickly as I wanted, I admit, I became lost for a while, but now my identity is in Christ far more greatly than it ever was before.  If God knew this was the best and most effective route, why would I ever want to choose another way?!

Yes, I may be limited physically right now, but the Lord has blown away all of the walls of my self-made spiritual limitations, leaving me with a freedom that stretches farther than the eye can see.

My only choice is to hang on to the One who holds the mightiest plan of all, and for that, this monkey has become more than willing to let go of that once-coveted banana.

Praise You, Jesus, for knowing what was best for me...for not giving me what I was longing for because You had something far far greater planned.  Please help me to keep my eyes on You and Your Word...help me to choose You over self-pity...to remember that You have a plan and a purpose for my life, far greater than any I could ever choose for myself, if I will only open my arms to receive it.  Help me to be an example for my kids...help me to be transparent for them so that they can bare witness to the struggle and see how faith in You triumphs over all.  Help them to remember these days and times with me in this season, and I pray that they will use it to Your glory for their own lives when they find themselves in their own valleys.  Lord, I pray for healing, but more than that, I pray for a complete adherence to Your Will and contentedness no matter the circumstances.  Your will be done, Father.  Praise and glory to Your name for the lessons, even when, in my humanness, I don't want to experience them.  Your Will always be done.  In Jesus' Name.  Amen.

Picture by Len Nguyen via Free Images

In the Darkest Places of My Pain...

When You don't move the mountains I'm needing You to move...

When You don't part the waters I wish I could walk through...

-Lauren Daigle

In the last 5 months, God has used these lyrics to pull me through, to stand me back up, and to light the fire inside that gives me His hope and strength and renewed perspective. 

...Oh, these last 5 months...how to even tackle that mountain of a tale...

They've been among the toughest I've ever known.

I've seen and felt God change me so drastically amidst it all and, for this, I am so grateful.

...But like it so often goes, if it had been up to me, 

I would've chosen a different way..

an easier way..to achieve this change.  

I can't tell you how glad I am that He didn't leave it up to me..this is the better way..even if it hurts..

I am certainly no stranger to back troubles, but up until this past March, these troubles were so very fleeting, and I would often marvel to myself at how quickly I healed.

Then, this March happened...

                          and along with it, back pain so excruciating, 

it had me writhing in pain through that entire first night.  

Physical therapy was the obvious choice to my doctor, so I willingly went, trusting a bit too naively that this was the answer.  A side note for a moment here...if you ever find yourself in therapy, and an exercise they want you to do is hurting you, STOP...even if they tell you to push on through it, STOP.  Listen to your body and honor your body...You know it better than anyone else...If it feels wrong, don't do it!

For me, it felt wrong...

                              ...but I continued...
...and now I'm at a new place, receiving new treatments, but this time for my spine as well...  

But alas, I digress...

So, these last 5 months have been brutal, at times.

I have soared on hope and promising progress,  

and I have also plummeted in despair and discouragement 

as my back experienced yet another setback.  

One step forward two steps back,
                                                two steps forward, one step back...

...Was I really going anywhere at all?

Pain is never an easy thing...

Pain while you're running a household

                                               and trying to be with your kids...like you always have...

Pain while you long to run again and swim again and be active again...

Pain while you long so much for the life you use to live...

                                    ...the very same life you now realize you took for granted...

Yes, pain can be complete and utter agony.

It's scary...
                 When will it end?  
                                            What if it gets worse?  
                                                                                What if I'm always like this?  

What if it's because of something else...something more serious?

It's lonely...
                   ...as you watch people continue on with their lives (as they should)...

...as you try to explain to them how you're feeling, 

all the while knowing that very few can completely understand but only try to... 

It's frustrating...
                             ...as you look at your children you want so very much to pick up...
...as you see your now cluttered home...and the bathrooms that don't get cleaned...and the laundry and dishes that don't get washed because it's so uncomfortable and often painful to do so..

Yes, pain can be a very frightening, isolating, exasperatingly depressing thing to go through, and my heart goes out to each and everyone of you that are going through it.

But don't forget...as much as pain, indeed, can be these burdensome things, 

there is One Who is waiting to take these burdens 

from each and every one of us.

This One is Jesus.

And will He heal you?  Absolutely!

But He also teaches us patience and faith...

...faith even when healing might not come right away...

not next week...

...or next month...

...or even next year!  

It might not even be something that comes on this side of Heaven, quite honestly, but it will come...and His timing will be perfect when it does...

Someday we will see it and understand and agree He had the best plan all along.

See, rather than heal us of our pain in the way we think we need it most, God is actively at work on things within us that we often cannot see...things that need His attention far more than we are able to understand just yet.

I know for a certainty that, although it can be difficult for me to thank God in the middle of my pain,

He is doing a good work in me through this, and He will not stop until it is complete.  
(my paraphrase from Philippians 1:6)

It is within this that I find hope.

I may not get my healing for months or years or not until I am with my Sweet Lord in Heaven, but I will get it...and until then, I rest in the awesome comfort that He is doing something incredible in me right now.

In my weakest moments...in my deepest pain and discomfort, He is right there with me feeling it too and holding me and brushing my hair back with His hand, just like my mother did when I was a child.

And I know...I just know...that everything is going to be alright.

Won't you let Jesus be your hope and comfort today?  No matter what you may be going through...it can't be done alone.  Let Him comfort you in your darkest places...He's longing to meet you there..if only you'll call on His Name.

Hasty Parenting = Hurtful Parenting

The Lord is my passion...the Lord first, and then my family.

I want more than anything to please Him and to love my family the way He created me and entrusted me to do so.

And I try...I really, really try,
                      and I believe that quite often, I am right on the mark,
but tonight, I'm realizing that I'm so far from where and who I thought I was.

Instead of love and acceptance, I've served criticism and rejection...

Instead of showing a heart full of unconditional love, 

I've taught more of a works-based love.

I thought I was giving unconditional love, I really and truly did...but, true to the Lord, He has lifted the veil from my eyes and shown me that, while that may be what I strive for and even teach with my words, that is not what I've shown with my heart.

We are a family of five.  My husband works two jobs so that I can stay home with the kids.

He is tired.
                  I am tired.

There is a laundry list of items that never get checked as "completed" (especially the laundry)!
Some nights the kids are screaming, everybody needs me at once, my back is hurting...and I get controlling.

Instead of seeing life through their eyes, I see it through mine, and all I want to do is control what's happening.  They don't listen (because, well, they're kids and they're learning) and before I know it, I've said something I shouldn't have said.
No, I'm not calling them names or streaming out insults, but I am reacting so quickly in a negative way that I've made them feel poorly about themselves instead of good.
Oh, it could be anything...my son tonight, for example, used a hand towel to wipe out our disgusting sink and then hung it back up for us to wipe our hands with.  Instead of focusing on his helping heart, I'd already zeroed in on the gross hand towel now hanging for all to use.  I'm reacting to that and have let his well-intended deed feel more like an embarrassment for him.

It's things like that that I'm talking about.  

Things that happen so quickly that it's too late to take back,
no matter how many compliments I try to bathe it in afterwards.

I love my children so incredibly much, but I feel sometimes like all I do is mess up, and mess up, and mess up.

I am so thankful to God that I don't have to bear this burden of my own mistakes.

I am so thankful to God that He is easier on me than I am on my own children.  

I am so thankful to God for unconditional, perfect perfect love, 

and second and third and fourth chances....

...and I am especially thankful that He works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28)...

....and though I may flail and falter as a mother, 

I am not messing them up...

because He will take these mistakes of mine and 

help to shape these three amazing children of HIS to His glory. 

Does that mean I should continue to react so quickly and, sadly, so harshly?
Certainly not!

But it does mean that I can go to God, thank Him for showing me the error of my ways, seek His forgiveness, and then try again.

Knowing that God will work His good amidst my mess, 

gives me the relief I need 

to free myself from this burden 

and be the mom these kids need me to be.

What about you?  What are your weak spots as a parent?  A sibling?  A child?  A friend?

Bring your weakness (and your guilt) to the Lord today.  He will work His perfection through our faults and give you the hope you need to try again...yet not of our own strength...but His, and His alone.

Dear Lord,
I have been such a fool for the way I have treated the ones You have given me to love the most after You.  I'm so sorry for being a stumbling block when I wanted to be a stepping stone...I'm so sorry for not loving unconditionally, but projecting a spirit of works-based love instead.  I'm so sorry for bringing anxiety instead of peace and acceptance and open love and warmth.  Please forgive me, Lord, for not being the parent You have created me to be.  Thank You, Lord, that I am a work in progress...and for not leaving me here like this.  Thank You for Your compassion, for Your acceptance of me just like I am, even when I am hurting the very ones You have given me to protect and love and care for.  Please help me to be more like You, Lord.  Help me to love unconditionally...to be quick to listen and slow to react and to speak.  Help the words and the actions I speak to be those of love, acceptance and encouragement.  I want so much for these kids to feel good when they are with me, and confident of who they are...I want them to know that I am here for them and that I love and accept and want for them in the very same way that You do for me.  Help me to be Your face and to be it so very well.  Help the way I live and love and act towards them to make them want to know You more than ever.  I love You, my Father.  Your will be done.  In Jesus' sweet Name, I pray.  Amen.

The Tug...Responding When God Calls

I know He wants me writing...I think about it innumerable times each day...

....but I'm so busy....

Every morning I sit in my daughter's room while she is still asleep in mine...I draw the shades and look at the sky while I have my time with God....

And I tell Him...

"Whatever You want me to do Lord, I'll do it..."

...but you see, I'm so so tired...

Life truly is an amazing journey, and I love the living and the loving and the busy days I spend with and for my children and husband, for my God.

Yet I am so so tired...  

I have found myself injured on and off for the better part of a year now, with the 9 months prior to that being in the marvelous throes of pregnancy...I've loved being pregnant with my third and I've loved every newborn moment of this last year with my third and my other two beloveds. 

Still, I am just so tired...

...and the being injured...next to the sleepless nights given by my precious smallest one, the being injured part has been laborious to endure...
While I have certainly improved, I am still on the road to recovery and it has been hard.  The discomfort constantly reminds me that I'm not wholly myself , and the sleepless nights coupled with this injury well, they're enough to test even the most hardcore among us...

And yet still I hear Him unmistakably, in my heart, telling me to write...

And so I am...

...not as quickly as He has nudged me, though I'd like to say I responded so...

...but I am here now...and I'm ready to hear what He's been waiting to say...

Speak, Lord...Your servant is listening...

Picture via YouVersion Bible App

Confronting Your Fears

Some pretty incredible things are going down over here in our household...things that I am not yet at liberty to speak of, but I assure you, I will.

These very same beautiful things, however, are obligating me to face  my deepest darkest fears.  Oh sure, we all have them to some degree or another.  For me, I'm usually quite able to tuck them away without really having to deal with them at all.  In fact, I have had it tucked away for so long that I really was unaware of the power I'd given it over me until recently.

Before I ever even lifted my head off the pillow, mornings had taken to greeting me with a sour cup of dread and anxiety.  Over and over I prayed, but nothing seemed to be reaching me.

But then...a verse....and the walls of fear that had started to close in on me began to crumble:

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace 

as you trust Him; 

so that you will overflow with hope 

by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13  

There's so much power in trusting Him...so much more powerful than fear could ever be.

It is only when we trust Him that that the walls can begin to crumble...and like the morning sun finding it's way through the cracks in my blinds, I found that I was soon able to hear God more clearly:

Don't worry about whether what you fear will come to pass or not, 

you're looking too far ahead...

Look at what I'm telling you in My Word...

and trust Me to overcome your anxiety.  

What I had wanted was a solution and a promise, absolving me of my fear of the unknown, but what I gained was a deep trust that God will hold me in peace right here.  Right now. He will take care of me always, and I've no doubt or hesitation about it...not for one minute

Oh, I'm sure anxieties will come and go, but I know that my King will overcome every time.  I know that all He's looking for is my trust in Him, and He will supply me with all joy and peace...not some, not just a little, or even enough, but all.  That's huge, and it's His promise.

So I've traded in my anxiety, my deepest darkest fear, in favor of a conscious and deliberate focus and effort to trust in my Lord.

What about you?  

What fears are crippling your life...

keeping you away from what God wants to give to you?  

God promises to release you of all this...and He's the only one that could ever make good on such a promise.

Give Him your trust and attention, 

and just see how He, in turn, speaks to you.

photo credit: Achint Thomas via Flickr

Living in the Moment

So much has changed in my life...transformed, really...and right before my very eyes.  This summer, I can honestly say that I have let everything go, in terms of control and a tight schedule to maintain.

Don't get me wrong, there has been carting around to this camp and to that one for most of the summer, but something has been different this time around.

I'm no longer that haggled mom, running around with her head cut off 

because the house is a mess 

and I feel like I've failed my kids for not having star-quality activities every moment of every day.  

I've just come to this point where I've stopped doing things from my own strength...I've stopped striving and struggling and have learned to just go where God is leading...to allow Him to open my eyes to what He so generously has chosen for me to see.

It's ridiculous to hear me say it now, but I seriously felt like the key to a successful summer was tied into that whole bucket list idea I wrote about a couple months ago.

I thought, if we completed the list, it would equate to an amazing summer, 

but nothing within that bucket list itself could have ever compared 

to the amazement of having learned 

to just be in the moment with my kids.  

What a gift to be a stay-at-home mom...Yes, it's a lot of work, and yes I have had an overabundance of lessons in the area of patience and wisdom of speech, but man, what a blessing.

I've never been so content in my life since having given over my plans and ideas of structure to God...

What He's done with them in turn, there's just no words for...

Is Your Faith Real, or Just a Facade?

To look at me, 

you'd hopefully never think me capable 

of the hardcore bad choices I have made in my life...

...the kind of bad choices that most have the common sense to avoid.  

Since coming from those places, I have often looked back and marveled at how, despite these wildly sinful choices, my faith and relationship with Christ had remained so strong and solid.  I didn't understand how it was that I could be so strong in this area of my life and yet make choices that were blatantly against Christ's teachings.

It is only now that I am able to understand:

It wasn't that my faith was so strong, 

it was that I had created a whole facade of deep faith 

in order to allow myself to continue doing the wrong things that I was doing.  

This "faith" was a shell I hid behind...my faith and long conversations with God back then were more about clearing my name.

I was fooling myself.  

I knew what faith should look like, and I modeled it well enough that I somehow had fooled my own self.

I'd played the role of faithfulness like a part in a play, but Christ was not center stage, and He most certainly was not the star of my show.

I'd painted a picture to hide behind, but I was not behind my faith.  

I needed a place to obscure my real self, because to see who I actually was would have meant that I needed to change, 

and I didn't want to change, really...

After all, back then, it was not Christ I was serving...

it was myself ...

...and it was Satan, though I hotly denied it!

I have a deep relief in knowing that the faiths were different between now and then, because I'd been a little nervous all along that I would somehow become that person once again.  I'm so grateful to God and His faithful mercies....so grateful for showing me the difference... so grateful for the relief He has provided my heart in this revelation, even though I don't deserve it and, quite frankly, never will.

It is ever important to live in genuine faith...

to roll up your sleeves and get behind it...to deeply live it....

to not allow yourself to live the smoke and mirrors life that I had lived for so long.  

If you are there now and are just starting to wake up to where you've allowed yourself to go, you know what I'm referring to.

Or perhaps you are in the place I once was, with a faith that seems so deeply intact but a lifestyle and consequent choices that can't help but make the abyss of your faith so blatantly obvious.

Open your eyes...

WAKE UP!!

There's no time for this...

Roll up your sleeves and dive back into the faith you've been telling yourself you've been living but deep in your heart, you've known...you've just known...that you have not.

Let the excuses you've strung yourself along with for so long fall by the wayside...you know, the ones that have brought you down a path you so urgently felt Him telling you not to take in the beginning of it all...If you sit still and listen, I bet you can still hear His voice calling you...if only but a whisper...

Wake up...wake up and turn around....

He is right there waiting to lead you back out.  

You don't belong down that dark and lonely road 

that you've tried to paint with flowers and sunshine any more than I did.  

Wake up and turn...it's time.

Dirty Kids, Messy Home...Happy Life. Why Letting Go Is The Best Thing You Could Ever Do For Your Family.

Maybe it comes from all those beautiful summers as a child where both days and nights seemed endless,
but every summer since my first was born, I seem to be under some unbroken illusion that I will finally have the time to complete those projects I've been meaning to get to all year long...

You'd think I'd learn after nearly a decade, but ever the optimist,  I've held onto the hope that big things will happen each summer!!

What I'm really starting to realize now is that they are happening...

just not in the way I'd expected.  

Instead of a finally neat home,
                                      I find it's way messier..

Instead of cleaner kids,
                              they are definitely dirtier...

Dinner before 6:30?
                                 Ha!
                                         Try 7:30...and even 8:30 sometimes!

It would seem I'm moving away from my goals, 

but I've realized I'm closer to them than I ever was before...

See, the house is messier,
                                   the kids stinkier,
                                                         the dinners later,

because I've dropped my plans and let God lead. 

...And He's led me straight to my kids!  

Yeah, we might still be trying to get to that bucket list I wrote about at the start of summer, but we've been places, and we've done things, and we've just enjoyed being together.

I've got a neighbor that is in his 80's.  His wife passed on, and his children live elsewhere, so he lives alone.

Sometimes when life has been especially busy, and I look out the window at his house where he is often lounging on his front porch,

I realize that his home is probably super neat, 

his projects so done

and his dinner promptly eaten,

but I can't help but think how he must long for what I have:

the endless shouts and squeals bouncing off my walls, 

the children a mess from puddle splashing and dirt digging, 

the house a wreck because we are too busy being together, 

the dinner late because we just didn't feel like coming inside yet...

Hopefully one day I'll get the chance to grow old like this man has, and I'm sure my home will be neat and my projects done with me looking for others to do,
but more than anything,

I know I'll be longing for the loudness in my house...

the endless squeals of laughter from my children...

and I just thank God that I've come to understand this now...

...that I've learned to let the plans go and just delight in where the Lord leads, messy house, dirty and unfed kids and all...

Praise be that He gets it right every time...

and thank God that I'm starting to listen and to follow!

21 Verses to Help You Stay Focused on God

Wake up.  Take a moment with God.

Bust it downstairs and wake up my son for school.

Have a love snuggle with my husband (ahhhh, NICE!)

Head for the kitchen, put dishes away.

Go wake up son again for school.

Get breakfast started.  Get out stuff to make lunch (while seriously applauding all who've figured out how to make it the night before!)   

Knock on son's door to see how it's going...
WHAT?!  

He's still under the covers??  

He needs to be on the bus in 15 minutes, people!

Make lunch...don't forget the napkin note!

Call to son who has just now left his room. 

Sa-weet!!  
Wait...WHAT?!  
He's still in pj's & sportin' his peacock hairdo' from the night before?! 

Tic-toc. Tic-toc!

Lunch made...Oh my gosh, his homework!  I never got to check it last night...again!!  Speed-check homework and hope for the best.

Call to son.

Get breakfast on table.

Call to son 

There is NO WAY I'm waking his sister and driving him to school...

Ok...

He's here!  He's in the kitchen!!

Eat!  Eat!  Eat!

Shoes!  Shoes! Don't forget your shoes!
Get school folder and lunch in book bag...Why won't it fit?!

Okay, shoes...lunch...book bag...Your violin!  Where's your violin?!  

Okay, bus is coming!  

Give me a kiss!  

Love you!  

Bye!!

More or less, that's a typical first hour of awakening in our home!  Surely we can't be the only ones who hustle like this to get our days (& our families) rolling out that door!

So, how do you keep your focus on God during all that wildness?  

I mean, for real, if that's just the first hour of the day, how do we even stand a chance of keeping our eyes on the prize of Christ when the flurry around us is a constant, never-ending (albeit beautiful) frenzy of demands and time constraints?

Why not settle your heart into one of these verses, and let God take it from here...After all, it's only through Him that we'll find the peace, strength, and clarity that we all so desperately need!

Image by Dean Smith via Free Images

1 Chronicles 16:11

Look to The Lord and his strength;

Seek his face always.

Colossians 3:2

Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

Colossians 3:12-17

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. 

2 Corinthians 4:18

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

1 Corinthians 15:58

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 

Galatians 1:10

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?  Or am I trying to please people?  If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Hebrews 13:5

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you,
never will I forsake you."

Jeremiah 17:5

This is what the LORD says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who draws strength from mere flesh
and whose heart turns away from the LORD."

Lamentations 3:25

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,

To the one who seeks him;

Mark 9:23
"'If you can'?" said Jesus.  "Everything is possible for one who believes."

1 Peter 4:11
If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen. 

1 Peter 5:6

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 

2 Peter 1:3a

His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life... 

Philippians 4:4

Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again:  Rejoice!

Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. 

Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the LORD with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding. 

Psalm 20:7-8

Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm. 

Psalm 31:24

Be strong, and take heart,
all you who hope in the LORD. 

Psalm 105:4

Look to the Lord and his strength;
seek his face always.

Romans 12:21

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.