Did You Know That Jesus Owns a Vacuum?

Sometimes, I mess up so royally that I find myself wishing I could be...I don't know...something along the lines of flawless...especially as a mother!

Alas, "flawless" is not a characteristic that courses through my human veins, so I have discovered myself in more than a few self-created messes where I wished I could take it all back.

I mean, just imagine if we could use our vacuums, 

and make it all go away, 

as though it never happened in the first place!

Yesterday I really could have used this vacuum.

My daughter is absolutely amazing.  She's brilliant and artistic and funny and loving and a million other wonderful things.

She's also feisty...very, VERY feisty.  

Now, I've got this little girl down to a science.  I am able to connect with her and reach her on a level that only a mother can.  Despite this fountain of knowledge, yesterday, when we were rushing out of the house and I knew...I mean, I knew...that the socks I had quickly grabbed were the "wrong" ones, I still tried to press forward.

You can guess how that went, I'm sure:  With her foot darting about from side to side, as I tried to get even one sock to stay on, we both quickly went from humored to highly agitated and frustrated.

Now, I know this is not the approach for my girl...I mean, I knew it before I knelt down to put these socks on, but we were late and I didn't have time to find another pair, so I simply forged ahead!

On a side note, any short cuts I am ever to try 

on any of my three kids, is actually the long way in disguise.  

Have you found this to be the case with you and yours as well?  

The shortcuts never work out, and this time was proving to be no exception.  It certainly would have been quicker to have found another pair of socks, but see, I'm feisty too and so now, this had become a battle of the wills.

Yup.  Very mature.

So there I was, amid the floundering of socks and our impending battle of the wills, and God was showing me that I was about to say something I'd regret, but I didn't heed His warning.  Next thing you know, I'm pulling my daughter towards the door and telling her to go walk in the snow barefoot.

Not my proudest moment.

I'm actually very embarrassed to even write that and had no intentions of sharing this story any further than the reaches of my front door, but I felt prodded by God to blog about it.  It's important for people to see that even the best-meaning, most loving of hearts can completely blunder and hurt the ones they love.

Maybe my actions seem like nothing to you.  Maybe it seems completely appalling, like I too felt it was.  Either way, my reaction caused both my little girl and me to completely stop in our tracks (and yes, I did retreat finally for those socks).

Now, my little girl was left completely unscathed by the whole thing (and no, I did not make her walk barefoot in the snow).  As for me, I apologized, we hugged, we talked, but I was completely traumatized by the whole thing.

How could I get here...and over a pair of socks?!  

It really did get me thinking about how I just wish 

I could always treat my kids, my family, my God, the way I feel in my heart...

It is deeply disheartening to have those moments 

where I've gone and spewed out a bunch of trash 

that I didn't even mean but can never take back.

I longed to have that vacuum to clean this whole mess up and have it be like it never happened in the first place.  The dread from it all was unbearable, and afterwards, I rode much of our drive in silence.  My daughter had forgiven me and moved on, but I was so ashamed of how I'd treated this gift God has entrusted me to take care of.

Then it struck me.

This is what God's grace and mercy are all about.
I messed up.
Big time.  There was no hiding this fact.

There was no excuse that could soften my culpability...

but see, that's where Jesus comes in.  

We go to the Cross with our burdens and sins, we ask for forgiveness, and...get this...we actually get to leave our burdens and sins right there for Him to take care of.

I messed up.  

Yes.  

But I don't have to carry the burden of it around with me.  

No one does, no matter what the error.  

So, you better believe, I went to that Cross, and I asked for forgiveness, and just like that, our Lord's "vacuum" that cleans up the mess of all who have sinned, asked for salvation and sought forgiveness was switched to "On".

While it is true that sometimes I do wish that I could be flawless in my life, especially as a mother, I'm realizing that to be so would mean that I did not need Christ, and I'm not willing to ever experience that.

So, I take my flawed existence, and I bring it to my God and thank Him for giving His undeserved grace and forgiveness, for granting me freedom right here and now from the chains that bind, and because of Him, whenever God sees me, all He sees is Jesus living in me...

Wholly

and completely

flawless.

Picture by cbcs via Free Images

Cleaning Hack for the Kitchen Sink

For those of you who read my previous post on organization, you might recall that I ended it by saying that I would begin reading Crystal Paine's book, Saying Goodbye to Survival Mode.

That was two weeks ago.

I am still on chapter one.  

Though, in my defense, there was an intro.

Even still, changes have been made and progress has been noted in the household.  I think there's something about even deciding that you are going to make a change that sparks something from deep within, because even though I have made nearly zero headway on that book and it's promise of organizational wisdom, I was able to reclaim the living room.  I have also claimed victory over the dishes, despite the nasty fight they seem put up hour after hour!

It's pretty amazing to watch how one small change within a household can really spread and affect pretty much everyone that dwells there.  Seriously, as soon as that living room was back in order, I noticed that my kids actually started to put things away after they had used them!!  The first time I watched my daughter bring her plate to the kitchen sink immediately after she had eaten, I nearly fell over, and I remember thinking, "Well, I have got to do this again!"

Let me tell you, with the living room and the kitchen and now even the kids stepping up to help, I have been inspired to forge ahead!  Amidst all this inspiration going on, I bring you an all-natural cleaning hack for the kitchen sink (because yes, I did that too!).
Who knows, maybe this could be your turning point in the house, if you've been stuck just like me!

Photo by Ross Brown via Free Images

What you'll need:

Baking Soda
Water
Toothbrush
Vinegar
Paper Towels

What you do:

-Dampen your kitchen sink lightly and sprinkle baking soda over your entire sink area (for the sides of the sink, I just swept the baking soda up with my hands as best as I could).

-Wait about 15 minutes and then go at it with a toothbrush.  I'm not sure about the science behind the magic, but I'm telling you, anything that's on your sink will come right off!  It works best when you work up a paste with the water and the baking soda, but even without it, something about that baking soda all on its own will make your sink shine!

Next time I clean my sink like this, I will provide pictures as evidence to the process, but trust me when I say that I was simultaneously intrigued and disgusted by the amount of "brown/black" that was on that toothbrush!

-Once you're done scrubbing your sink down with the toothbrush, rinse everything with water.  From here, you can either move on to the next step, or call it a day and wipe everything dry with a paper towel.  We had run out of vinegar for the next part, so this was as far as I went this time around, but the vinegar is a great disinfectant and is highly recommended.

-For the vinegar, cover your sink with paper towels and lightly pour vinegar over them until the paper towels have become saturated.  Another way to do this would be to pour some vinegar in a bowl and dip the paper towels in one at a time.  I try to find the fastest way to do things, so, for me, I skipped the bowl and placed the paper towels right in the sink.

-Leave the vinegar for 20 minutes then wipe up with a paper towel, rinse your sink with another round of water and wipe dry.

-Enjoy your new sparkle and shine!  Cheesy of me to say, I know, but that is exactly what I did!  My house still has a long way to go, but that day...I'm just going to say it...that day I was proud!  I'm also pretty sure I gathered my kids around to admire, but with there being so much more to go in my organizational quest, how could I not soak in a little of this victory!

Got any cleaning hacks for me?  I'm trying my best to stay on this home improvement streak right now, so please send me some ideas while I'm on a role!

Choosing Hope Over Self-Pity...

God really has a way of reaching us right where we are.  Have you ever noticed that?  Whether it's through the word of a friend, or the Word of God Himself, He knows what we need to hear and when we need to hear it, and He is always faithful to provide.  Through the course of my life, I have felt these moments with Him, but each and every time it happens, it never ceases to amaze me.

I'm struggling still, with my back and my body.  The pain and discomfort is not all the time, thankfully, but I'm aware of it and its limitations with nearly every movement I make each and every day.  Some days I feel the progress, while still others, I feel like I'm closer to the start again.  Some days I feel triumphant while on others, I am full of self-pity.

Last night, I was full of self-pity.

While I am so grateful for the change in me spiritually, sometimes I get so frustrated with the physical end of things that I become overwhelmed with disappointment.  I have always been an athlete, from the time I was a small child clear on through to adulthood, and now that I'm here, unable to do the things I once have, I sometimes feel lost and trapped and wishing I had appreciated what I had when I had it.

But regret is not something God wants us to carry upon our shoulders...

and neither is the state of feeling lost or limited...

...and true to our loving God, this was not a place He was going to let me stay in for long without Him speaking in some way.

My oldest and I were going over a devotional last night...It was about this monkey who had reached his hand inside of a cage to get a banana.  When he went to pull his hand back out, he found he was trapped because the hole was too small for the banana, and he wasn't willing to let go of it.  Therefore, because of his own choice, this monkey had limited himself and became completely unable to move due to his unwillingness to let go.

Immediately, I realized that I am the crazy monkey 

holding on for dear life to that banana.  

God has this freedom that is mine for the taking, even amidst my current situation, but in order to receive it, I need to let go.

I need to accept my current physical state.

I need to give Him my plans.  

Each morning, I tell Him that the day is His...that my life is His to use, but when I hold on to disappointment and am overcome with sadness because I can no longer run or swim like I once loved, I really am not giving Him my day and especially not my life...not entirely.

Who ever wakes up in the morning and excitedly proclaims, "Today, I will give God just a tiny portion of myself"?  I mean, that sounds crazy, doesn't it?
Yet, that's what I'm saying with my reactions:  "Here, God, have all of me, but wait...no, not that...or that...and You can't have that..."

How nuts is it to say to the Creator of all things...

to the One that is All-Knowing...

that you just aren't sure if you can trust His plan?!  

I mean, seriously...do I really think that my plans could ever dare to compete with even a fraction of one of His?
Jeremiah 29:11 states clearly that "[He] knows the plans [He] has for [us].  Plans to prosper [us] and not to harm [us], plans to give [us] hope and a future."
Romans 8:28 goes on to say that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him".  

So what was I worrying about again?  Why am I so bummed out about this and not excited by the hope that He brings through these encouraging words alone?!

It's so easy to get lost when your eyes aren't on Christ.  It's so easy to fall into the trap of self-pity and bitterness and depression when you only look at your plans and don't leave yourself open to the plans of the Almighty One.

Why hold onto the banana, so to speak, 

when God is waiting to give you an infinite supply?

The Lord really moved in me through this whole monkey story last night, but He drove the point home even further this morning through my husband and this verse:

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, 

for my power is made perfect in weakness."  

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, 

so that Christ's power may rest on me.  

That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, 

in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  

For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

His power is resting on my injuries...

As difficult as this journey with my injuries has been, it has really been a gift in disguise.  I may not have what I initially wanted, but I am realizing that I have something far greater than I ever could have imagined.  The Lord has blessed my marriage through this experience, He has prioritized my life, shown me where my faith is weak and has made it far stronger than it ever was before.

Could I have learned these things through a different means?  

Sure, if the Lord had chosen, 

but He knew the best way to reach me, 

and this was it.  

I have always had my identity so deeply engraved in my own athleticism.  When my healing didn't come as quickly as I wanted, I admit, I became lost for a while, but now my identity is in Christ far more greatly than it ever was before.  If God knew this was the best and most effective route, why would I ever want to choose another way?!

Yes, I may be limited physically right now, but the Lord has blown away all of the walls of my self-made spiritual limitations, leaving me with a freedom that stretches farther than the eye can see.

My only choice is to hang on to the One who holds the mightiest plan of all, and for that, this monkey has become more than willing to let go of that once-coveted banana.

Praise You, Jesus, for knowing what was best for me...for not giving me what I was longing for because You had something far far greater planned.  Please help me to keep my eyes on You and Your Word...help me to choose You over self-pity...to remember that You have a plan and a purpose for my life, far greater than any I could ever choose for myself, if I will only open my arms to receive it.  Help me to be an example for my kids...help me to be transparent for them so that they can bare witness to the struggle and see how faith in You triumphs over all.  Help them to remember these days and times with me in this season, and I pray that they will use it to Your glory for their own lives when they find themselves in their own valleys.  Lord, I pray for healing, but more than that, I pray for a complete adherence to Your Will and contentedness no matter the circumstances.  Your will be done, Father.  Praise and glory to Your name for the lessons, even when, in my humanness, I don't want to experience them.  Your Will always be done.  In Jesus' Name.  Amen.

Picture by Len Nguyen via Free Images

Organizational Improvements and Those Crazy Apples Not Falling Far From the Tree...

I've been on my son's case a lot over his organizational challenges and, to a lesser and more proportional extent, I've been on my four year old's case as well.  Everywhere I look, their clothes are strewn about, their rooms are just straight-up disasters, and their chores have all but been abandoned since we hit the holiday season.

 

Yes, disorder and madness seem to sum everything up quite nicely, but as I was driving home from dropping my daughter off at preschool today, frustrated by being "late again", it dawned on me that perhaps the largest reason for their complete rejection of even the idea of organization has everything to do with me.

I try my best here at the house, I really do.  I'm up before 6 during the week, and don't often get a chance to sit down for the night until after 10.  I have, what I feel, is a wonderful balance of work and quality time with each of my three, but I'm now wondering:

Just what might happen if I got my own self organized?  

Would the kids follow suit?  

I mean, after all, I often hear them repeating things I've said or done (all good things, thankfully!).  Wouldn't it then stand to reason that if I got myself in gear that they just might do the same?

I look around this home and yes, while I may work my butt off, it definitely doesn't show in terms of the final home product.  I've been fine with that, for the most part, because I know where my time has been spent.  These kids of ours...these blessings...are happy, healthy, well-adjusted children, who are given the time they need and know how to play and love on their family and, most importantly, God.

I know that the house taking the fall 

in favor of time with the kids has been the right choice, 

but what if there was a better way to spend the time that I do dedicate to housework?

I don't want or need a rigid schedule in my life, but as I take a look around and see our stairs lined sometimes nearly to the top with projects and whatnot...as I go to put the Christmas decorations away and realize that I never even fully put all the Fall ones back...and as I hesitantly cast a glance toward the kitchen sink and see the dishes pouring from it and out onto our counter top, I can't help but think that organization just might be my friend.

So I'll conduct myself a little experiment here:  While I will continue to work on my kids' skills, I think I'll add working on my own to the mix and see how it impacts them.

I think I already know the outcome here.

There was a book I had downloaded onto my phone nearly a year ago by Crystal Paine called Say Goodbye to Survival Mode.  I only made it to chapter four.  I think I'll start there and see what happens.

What about you?  Have you mastered organization or are you more like me?  

Any life hacks for keeping your home and your family organized?  

As I fill out my daughter's preschool tuition payment five days late, 

I'm thinking I could use any advice you care to give!

Pre-K Today, College Tomorrow

To My Girl,

Today was such a big day for you...the first day of Pre-K!  Though, you don't know that just yet.  The word "school" is not exactly the most welcome among your vocabulary so, for weeks, if not months, we have been calling your school by name only: Wonderland.  I mean, seriously, what's not to love about a magical school called Wonderland?!

Honey, I just want you to know that I am so very proud of you...
You're out there doing it...playing with your friends, eagerly pursuing new ones and just so excited to experience the life before you!!

There are so many things I want to tell you, but at the same time, I'm at a complete loss for words.  Just yesterday, it seems, I was holding you in my arms while you slept, because it was the only way you could ever go to sleep.
You're my girl, my mama...we've been best girls since the day you were born...You will forever be all of these things for me.

I want you to know how very much I love you...how honored I feel that God has given me a front row seat to your life.

This next chapter you've just begun is a wonderful one, yet a difficult one for me.  No longer will I know your every waking moment, from sun up to sun down...You're off now, and you're on your way...and I know it may seem silly of me to be so nostalgic over just 2 1/2 hours of your day, but I see your big brother, and I know how quickly the time moves.

I'm in awe of you, you know...God has placed a mighty strength within you that is so plain to see.  You're brilliant, you're feisty, you're loving and caring, and so amazing with your crayons and markers and paints (I love your murals in your room!).  You love your brothers and your family and are so passionate about knowing who God is.  I love everything about you, and I pray with all my heart that you will just let the power and strength and love of the Lord wash over you with each breath you take...letting it flow out to others without ever holding back...even when it may make you different from the rest.  Never hold back who God has given you to be...always let yourself be free, and the world will be such a better place for it!

Well, it's time to pick you up from school now.  I cannot wait to hear how your day has been, my sweet and beautiful girl...I love you with all that I am and ever will be...

Congratulations on this new and wonderful chapter of your life.  Daddy and I are so very proud...

About Me

We live in the new world of social media where everyone else's lives seem so perfectly knit together.  

Stepping out into the actual world just might be worse; Attend a classroom party at your child's school, and you'll quickly realize that somehow you really are the only one who can't get it all together.  

This is my life exposed.  

Where it gets real...and messy...and chaotic sometimes.  

Where the kids won't listen and the housework hasn't been done in weeks 

       and where I didn't get to shower...again.  

People need to see the real.  They need to see what parenting and living a Christian life is really like, with all its struggles and imperfections.  

So here I am, exposing my life so, hopefully, you can find the grace and inspiration you need for your own.

In the Darkest Places of My Pain...

When You don't move the mountains I'm needing You to move...

When You don't part the waters I wish I could walk through...

-Lauren Daigle

In the last 5 months, God has used these lyrics to pull me through, to stand me back up, and to light the fire inside that gives me His hope and strength and renewed perspective. 

...Oh, these last 5 months...how to even tackle that mountain of a tale...

They've been among the toughest I've ever known.

I've seen and felt God change me so drastically amidst it all and, for this, I am so grateful.

...But like it so often goes, if it had been up to me, 

I would've chosen a different way..

an easier way..to achieve this change.  

I can't tell you how glad I am that He didn't leave it up to me..this is the better way..even if it hurts..

I am certainly no stranger to back troubles, but up until this past March, these troubles were so very fleeting, and I would often marvel to myself at how quickly I healed.

Then, this March happened...

                          and along with it, back pain so excruciating, 

it had me writhing in pain through that entire first night.  

Physical therapy was the obvious choice to my doctor, so I willingly went, trusting a bit too naively that this was the answer.  A side note for a moment here...if you ever find yourself in therapy, and an exercise they want you to do is hurting you, STOP...even if they tell you to push on through it, STOP.  Listen to your body and honor your body...You know it better than anyone else...If it feels wrong, don't do it!

For me, it felt wrong...

                              ...but I continued...
...and now I'm at a new place, receiving new treatments, but this time for my spine as well...  

But alas, I digress...

So, these last 5 months have been brutal, at times.

I have soared on hope and promising progress,  

and I have also plummeted in despair and discouragement 

as my back experienced yet another setback.  

One step forward two steps back,
                                                two steps forward, one step back...

...Was I really going anywhere at all?

Pain is never an easy thing...

Pain while you're running a household

                                               and trying to be with your kids...like you always have...

Pain while you long to run again and swim again and be active again...

Pain while you long so much for the life you use to live...

                                    ...the very same life you now realize you took for granted...

Yes, pain can be complete and utter agony.

It's scary...
                 When will it end?  
                                            What if it gets worse?  
                                                                                What if I'm always like this?  

What if it's because of something else...something more serious?

It's lonely...
                   ...as you watch people continue on with their lives (as they should)...

...as you try to explain to them how you're feeling, 

all the while knowing that very few can completely understand but only try to... 

It's frustrating...
                             ...as you look at your children you want so very much to pick up...
...as you see your now cluttered home...and the bathrooms that don't get cleaned...and the laundry and dishes that don't get washed because it's so uncomfortable and often painful to do so..

Yes, pain can be a very frightening, isolating, exasperatingly depressing thing to go through, and my heart goes out to each and everyone of you that are going through it.

But don't forget...as much as pain, indeed, can be these burdensome things, 

there is One Who is waiting to take these burdens 

from each and every one of us.

This One is Jesus.

And will He heal you?  Absolutely!

But He also teaches us patience and faith...

...faith even when healing might not come right away...

not next week...

...or next month...

...or even next year!  

It might not even be something that comes on this side of Heaven, quite honestly, but it will come...and His timing will be perfect when it does...

Someday we will see it and understand and agree He had the best plan all along.

See, rather than heal us of our pain in the way we think we need it most, God is actively at work on things within us that we often cannot see...things that need His attention far more than we are able to understand just yet.

I know for a certainty that, although it can be difficult for me to thank God in the middle of my pain,

He is doing a good work in me through this, and He will not stop until it is complete.  
(my paraphrase from Philippians 1:6)

It is within this that I find hope.

I may not get my healing for months or years or not until I am with my Sweet Lord in Heaven, but I will get it...and until then, I rest in the awesome comfort that He is doing something incredible in me right now.

In my weakest moments...in my deepest pain and discomfort, He is right there with me feeling it too and holding me and brushing my hair back with His hand, just like my mother did when I was a child.

And I know...I just know...that everything is going to be alright.

Won't you let Jesus be your hope and comfort today?  No matter what you may be going through...it can't be done alone.  Let Him comfort you in your darkest places...He's longing to meet you there..if only you'll call on His Name.