I certainly have..
and one of those times was today..
and one of those times was today..
I'm horrified to say it, but
I am selfish...
I am proud...
...and I am arrogant...
You would never know it if you met me, though...because my nature is sweet and gentle and loving.. And, while all of that is true.. that I possess these traits by God...I have been harboring a darkness in my spirit, at the same time...
It's appalling to me that the very gifts God has given me for good I have used as stones to throw at others with false justification...
His gifts to me...while outwardly they were beautifully displayed, inwardly they were the soap boxes I used to stand upon while pointing my finger and looking down my nose at those closest to me.
Trust me, to be around me, you'd never know this was the case...And, for the most part, I didn't either...but then it would ooze out and make it's appearance within my thoughts...within my disbelief over someone not knowing something so "obvious"...within my criticism over the way something was handled...
I am selfish...
I am proud...
...and I am arrogant...
You would never know it if you met me, though...because my nature is sweet and gentle and loving.. And, while all of that is true.. that I possess these traits by God...I have been harboring a darkness in my spirit, at the same time...
I've been captive to sin...
chained and bound by my own arrogance and selfish pride....
and I didn't even know it!
It's appalling to me that the very gifts God has given me for good I have used as stones to throw at others with false justification...
His gifts to me...while outwardly they were beautifully displayed, inwardly they were the soap boxes I used to stand upon while pointing my finger and looking down my nose at those closest to me.
Trust me, to be around me, you'd never know this was the case...And, for the most part, I didn't either...but then it would ooze out and make it's appearance within my thoughts...within my disbelief over someone not knowing something so "obvious"...within my criticism over the way something was handled...
Ugh...convictions are so hard...
...they are the absolute best
and the absolute worst...
all in one horrible magnificent package!
and the absolute worst...
all in one horrible magnificent package!
My deepest prayer is for God's forgiveness over how blind and arrogant and self-centered and prideful I've been...It is this self-centeredness...this arrogance and false pride...that got me into this mess in the first place!
In thought, in word, in action...my prayer is for the Holy Spirit
to purge me and break all of these chains
I allowed to fester within and ravage upon my heart...
to purge me and break all of these chains
I allowed to fester within and ravage upon my heart...
Praise God for His gracious love and for His mercy.
Praise Him for His patience, while I acted like a complete buffoon (& I'm sure I will again...)
"What now?", I ask of Him..
"What will You have me be now?"
...because I feel like I'm starting over...and, in so many ways, I thankfully am...
Oh conviction, how it can tear to the soul...
...and thank God for that...
...because I cannot bear any longer to be who I was just this morning ...
"Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me."
Psalm 51:10
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| Image by Wisdom Grace and Curls |
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