Godly Sorrow

Godly sorrow brings repentance

that leads to salvation

and leaves no regret, 

but worldly sorrow brings death.

2 Corinthians 7:10

The Lord has been working on me, and I know it...

I received a major dose of humble pie a couple weeks ago, and thankfully so...then comes the "He is My Gardener" post by +Adrienne Bolton ...where I'm reminded that the pruning is not comfortable at the time, but the beauty produced is undeniable.  With each, I have prayed...to be humbled...to be pruned...and boy has He come through...

Enter deep and godly sorrow, stage left..

Today, my eyes have been opened to pain that I caused years before.  I was aware at the time of it all that I had been hurtful, and the Lord has been working on my heart for months now to apologize, but it was not until today, when I had to look into those painfully sad eyes, that I finally saw the ripple effect of my careless actions and thoughtlessly selfish (and I do mean selfish) behavior.

It was not until then that I could truly see.  

I've caused hurts so deep and far-reaching that it's hard for me to understand how such destructiveness could have really come from me.  I have caused pain and heartache...made choices that I can never take back...compromised relationships that are still mending and some that may never...and as I sat there, taking this all in, I was aware of my selfishness, aware of how badly I wanted this junk, this filth I'd allowed to come from me, to be out and gone...aware of how badly I wanted to be cleansed and freed of this monstrous impurity.

See what this godly sorrow has produced in you:

what earnestness, what eagerness

to clear yourselves...

2 Corinthians 7:11a

Our good Lord prunes, 

and when He does, it surely can feel like the deepest of pains, 

but He is there...

...reaching us, guiding us, leading us, 

and even comforting us in His bountiful grace and mercy.

I don't deserve the forgiveness of those I've hurt the most, but I've got it.  I've got it and I've had it for years before I ever asked for it.  I hurt them with my words, my choices, my actions...and they turned the other cheek in their grace...

I showed them pain and they showed me Christ...

Godly sorrow is a beautiful thing...the sadness runs so deep in your grievance, but it leads to the most beautiful prayers, the most beautiful purging, the most beautiful surrender.

God is close...

I can feel Him in the forgiveness, in the nudging from within...the encouraging reminders that I am falling forward...that I am loved...that I am being pruned...and, if I'm being pruned, that means I will never be that person again...the one that caused so much heartache and pain.

Yes, I will make mistakes again...and I may be hurtful again too...but I am falling forward, I'm changing every day...I'm turning into what I was always meant to be for Him...and from this place, I step forward...The Lord has pruned me...lopped a huge branch from me that was infested...

...but He hasn't left me alone.

He's brought me forward in grace...and given me a healing from my unconscious suffering.

Praise You, Lord...for what You've done...for what You've shown me and how You've changed me and brought me forward.  Thank You for godly sorrow...it is gut-wrenching and a treacherous cup to drink from, but if it means never having to face who I once was, I gladly drink from it.  Please keep humbling me...please keep changing me...I need You more than ever, and even though I feel like I deserve You less than ever, THANK YOU for never leaving me.  Thank You for Your grace...for Your presence in our lives not being based on what we've said or done.  We all only need ask You for Your salvation...thank You, Lord, for loving us like this.  It is truly incomprehensible, though I ask for Your understanding of this to deepen each and every day.  I love You, my God...Thank You...Thank You for the pruning...for guiding me through godly sorrow.  In Jesus' name, Amen.